Saying Goodbye to the Past

I made a big decision today. I decided that I was finally ready to let go of the past.

I spent a good deal of time in high school in and out of therapy and treatment centers for depression. My mother had married an emotionally and physical abusive man when I was in 7th grade but it wasn't till 9th that I had no choice but to move in with them. I spent three years in a house where I felt neither wanted nor loved. It weighed down hard on me and affected every aspect of my life.

As most of you know, I'm a writer. So when I was depressed, I would write about it. I have folders full of depressed ramblings, some of it by me and some are just song lyrics. Some of them weren't even about anything important, just me being a teenage girl. I thought I should keep them so I could look back at all the things I had lived through and it would make me feel... better I guess. But now I see them for what they are, just a reminder of a time where I was at my absolute lowest. And that all they would ever do is drag me back down.

So I'm going through all of these notebooks and I'm copying down any little gems that I happened to spew out in hopes I might be able to use them someday. So far, I've found one simple sentence that fits perfectly into VDGP and another that spurred a whole new story idea. I'm excited for what else I'll find.

The rest I'm shredding. My step-dad no longer has a hold on me. I'm ready to say goodbye to feeling sorry for myself and letting the past hold me back.

Goodbye teen angst, hello bright future.

I get my hopes up way too easily

My dad is a computer programmer. A very good computer programmer. He's spent a lot of his adult life (including most of my childhood) traveling for his job. This meant I also got to travel a lot, at least for visits (my favorite was L.A. by far). His contract for one company would end, and he would search for a new one. But from the time he starts looking for a new job and when he actually gets one can be rather long. He usually has a couple different prospects but it depends on quite a few variables before he actually chooses/gets one of them.

Keep in mind that I'm really tired while typing this, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense.

So, why am I talking about this? Because my dad's contract at his current job is going to be over with in a few months. He's been looking at a couple other places, including Boston, Mas, a.k.a my birth place. I was only about three months old if I remember correctly when we moved away from Boston. And for quite some time now, I've had a huge hankering to go back. Like, Huge. So when my dad calls me up and mentions this, my heart goes soaring.

At first I thinking, Holy I'm actually going to be able to visit Boston! Which really would have been enough for me. But then, my dad (or maybe it was me) brought up me living there. And he (this time I know it was him) mentions being able to go up to New York City (which I've wanted to do since I was like eight. It's even on my To Do List). And now, I'm so set on this happening.

Which, experience has taught me, means I'm in for a huge disappointment.