Saturday, September 12, 2009

Saying Goodbye to the Past

I made a big decision today. I decided that I was finally ready to let go of the past.

I spent a good deal of time in high school in and out of therapy and treatment centers for depression. My mother had married an emotionally and physical abusive man when I was in 7th grade but it wasn't till 9th that I had no choice but to move in with them. I spent three years in a house where I felt neither wanted nor loved. It weighed down hard on me and affected every aspect of my life.

As most of you know, I'm a writer. So when I was depressed, I would write about it. I have folders full of depressed ramblings, some of it by me and some are just song lyrics. Some of them weren't even about anything important, just me being a teenage girl. I thought I should keep them so I could look back at all the things I had lived through and it would make me feel... better I guess. But now I see them for what they are, just a reminder of a time where I was at my absolute lowest. And that all they would ever do is drag me back down.

So I'm going through all of these notebooks and I'm copying down any little gems that I happened to spew out in hopes I might be able to use them someday. So far, I've found one simple sentence that fits perfectly into VDGP and another that spurred a whole new story idea. I'm excited for what else I'll find.

The rest I'm shredding. My step-dad no longer has a hold on me. I'm ready to say goodbye to feeling sorry for myself and letting the past hold me back.

Goodbye teen angst, hello bright future.

1 comment:

Tara said...

Congratulations on moving forward. Best of luck as you enter a new chapter in your life.

 
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